Because Blogger has forced me to take a break from loading pics of my beautiful kids--I'm out of storage room due to my ALL of my pics automatically loading on Picasa--dumb!--I am going to take a moment to talk about two "friends" or perhaps you can call them "frienemies", negativity and drama. It has taken me a long time to understand these two horrible acquaintances and how they have tried to make a mess in my life before moving on to taunt someone else and destroy their life. I share, because I care. Really, if you can start noticing these two creeping up, then you can actually throw them aside and go about your business. It's been a tough lesson for me to learn with lots of mistakes along the way, but let's dive in.
Drama---We all know dramatic people. Some of us have been the dramatic person. Who me? Never! Yep, even me. I'm not always a confrontational person, but sometimes I can be. The lesson I've learned is that it really doesn't do anything to confront someone about a problem you have with that person. It might make YOU feel better, but that's it. Unless, you have done a lot of praying about talking to that person and you really feel led by God to talk to that person, then it really isn't worth it. I promise. The headache and the drama that follows after you confront someone is not worth it. That person isn't going to change. That person isn't going to say "Ok, you are right. I have been really _______ "(fill in the blank with selfish, inconsiderate, annoying, whatever). If you are a dramatic person in general and like to confront people all the time, then guess what--you may be headed down a path of not having many friends--that's mean, but it's the truth. As we get older, our patience for other's people's drama starts wearing thin. We may love that person, but it may not be worth it to invest time in that person's life on a regular basis. Now, you can go up to someone and ask "What's going on? Did I do something to offend you? Can we talk?" Approaching someone when he/she has an obvious problem with you and listening with an OPEN heart (not a defensive attitude) IS worth it. Tears may follow, but hopefully forgiveness and moving on are quickly behind. Keep in mind, that there is a proper time and place for this. Setting up a coffee date or phone call when you are alone is most appropriate for this kind of talk. Do not bring up these kind of issues at a party, a play date, or social setting with other people around! Parties are meant to have a good time, play dates are meant to let the kids play and even vent about the kids-- not for drama. No one will respect you for this or think highly of you if you bring up issues at inappropriate times.
Also, don't be a pot-stirrer. I honestly can't stand when people stir the pot. Everything is going okay and then someone comes along and tries to shake things up a bit. I think pot-stirrers are very insecure people who thrive on rocking the boat. They are feeling insecure and aren't happy about something, so they want to make someone else feel that way too. Gossiping can stir the pot, so be careful! Someone who gossips about everyone is gossiping about you too! It's hard to be a woman and not get caught up in gossip--we have all been there and taken part of it. Sometimes, you need to take a big step away from certain groups, neighbors, a certain friend, so you can have a chance to realize the full impact of gossiping before you get right back in there. When you see a man gossiping with his wife--wow--that's even more pitiful. I think a man should be able to say "Now honey, that's none of our business, let's worry about what is". Sometimes, we need some accountability and if a husband can't do that for his wife, then he needs to step it up.
Okay, moving on to something I really don't have much patience for and that is Negativity. We can all be negative and I know I can focus on the negatives of things instead of the positives. Negativity is really an ATTITUDE problem. When you catch yourself thinking about all the negatives, then you need to check your attitude. Start thinking about the positives. There is a positive thing to everything bad that may be happening in your life. I have been really sick this week, instead of complaining all the time, I think about how fortunate I am that my husband has been able to help out. How nice that my mother in law came in for a day to help watch the kids. How I'm getting some much needed rest because I'm being forced to take it easy. I call this the "Pollyanna Approach". When I see the negative comments on facebook, when I hear the negativity that surrounds me, I honestly want to tell someone "really? you had a bad day...what about those starving kids in Africa?". this is so cliche but seriously, our problems are so small compared to what other people face.
One huge way I've been able to weed negativity out of my life is to watch who I spend time with. I have friends who are extremely negative, who suck all the positivity out of life and who honestly have nothing nice or positive to say. I am a busy mom who doesn't get to hang out with girlfriends as much as I'd like to, so if I come home drained from spending time with a friend because that person was so negative, I know that's a problem. --Remember it's not worth telling someone that you have a problem with their attitude. Are you really going to be able to change their attitude? No, so decide how you are going to spend your time and with whom. Girlfriends should lift each other up, be there for each other, be women who make us laugh and can comfort us when we are sad, watch out for those friends who put a damper on your day and try to bring you down with them. Also, make sure you aren't being one of those friends. If you are finding yourself always looking at the glass half empty, then it's time to change the attitude. Also, be careful about blogging and about which blogs you read. I'm taking a blog off my favorite blog list. This is a mom who I used to have a lot of admiration for because of what she was going through at one time. Faced with a huge mountain, she was a pillar of faith and strength. Now, her blog seems to be more about drama and preaching. I'm not judging her for her blog--it's hers and she can do what she wants with it, but I'm not spending valuable time reading about someone else's drama either.
Okay, I'm getting off my soap box now. Actually, I hope I don't come across as being on one. I've done my fair share of being negative and being dramatic, and I think I've come a long way in this area. However, I pray that I keep growing and keep learning from my mistakes, and I hope that I can help others along the way. If anything, to not make the same mistakes as I have, because even if you forgive yourself for messing up, you still remember and boy, do I cringe at how I've been caught up with these two frienemies!
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